I am living a life beyond compare



It sounds so romantic and adventurous to say: "I'm living a life beyond compare!"
But what if it means I want to live a life with much less comparing? Wouldn't that equal less jealousy, less envying, less coveting? Wouldn't that free me to enjoy what I already have?
I spent my whole life saying: "Well, I'm not as educated as that woman in college". "But I'm making better choices than that woman in jail". Why do I always seek to compare? I'm skinnier than that woman, but not as skinny as another who just walked by. So what? The problem I have with being trained to compare is that it's a form of judgment to assign a value. I'm skinnier, I guess that's a reason to feel good about myself? I'm not as skinny, so that's a reason to feel bad about myself? How about accepting who I am?
It's part of the mindset of never being enough. Of not being ok with myself.
I want to be "enough". I've had enough of not feeling like I was good enough! Who said I wasn't good enough? Why did I agree? I looked for reasons why I was never good enough. Or why someone wasn't good enough for me. It was never enough. And now I've had enough. The pathetic thing is that some of it is based on wanting to "be a better person". Because I was not learning to tell myself that I was enough.
2018 resolution for the new year. I am enough. What would life really look like if I could stop comparing?? What if we stopped calling people different and accepted them as special? Starting with ourselves. What if I was just gloriously Me, for once? What if weight and fashion and even intelligence or kindness of others didn't determine anything about me?
Here's the catch, though. I have things I really need to work on. I have areas to improve. But is that true? How do I balance loving myself for who I am, for how far I've come, with becoming even more? Why must I be more than I am?? Who said that and why did I listen to them? What if I loved me because I accepted me, and because I did what I enjoyed - I naturally stayed a good human being? Define "good" anyway.
I'm a decent human being. I know change tends to come when we are not comfortable. But I want it to come because I'm curious. I want my life to continue to evolve from inspiration, not frustration. I want a beautiful life, making a valuable difference. My happiness needs to be balanced, and not just from the happiness of others.
I like to write things in the third person view. I'm trying to do this first person thing. It's strange. I wrote this for you. You know who you are.
Let's balance this ramble of thoughts with some pictures from my week. Ok?

(Do you think my pictures are good enough?)(Wait, I like them, so I can stop asking for validation now).







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