Back to the future
I have seen that I can get really stuck in what I know. Does that make sense? So I like to use my imagination more than ever these days. Because it seems to me that a lot of my problems were very much ready to be solved, it was just a matter of how long it took me to find the solution. And sometimes the solution was to change my mind about it. And often adding to the problem was how I felt about it, which was one of the biggest factors in deciding how bad or big the problem was!
I also had a good friend who said that today she didn't always go to church, but today her goal was to just "sit quietly and listen to God". It made me think about how quiet and beautiful it is when I snorkel (mostly). It also made me think about all the times I told God all my problems, and asked Him "Why?!!" and then didn't listen for an answer. Or didn't like the answer I was getting. I have found that I less problems than ever these days. Not because they all magically disappeared here in lovely Costa Rica, but because I had time to see things so clearly. I had time to sit quietly and define what a "problem" was, and search for answers. Over the last few years I've had so much personal growth that I have to hide the hideous stretch marks. So to speak. I've learned that I am bigger than any problem, and that there is something to be gained from what I think I don't like. I've learned to accept everything, and find a way to benefit from anything. And that every single person I meet has something to teach me. And that God will make things right. Eventually. And it's easier if I don't get in the way of letting things become awesome, or letting things have a purpose.
What is my point? I'm not sure. I wanted to talk about this exercise in the program I'm trying out. And loving! The Love Your Life in 30 Days through tut.com and the guy who says: thoughts become things. It's free, and I love it so much, I'm doing it all over again starting February 1st. So today I'm still on day 29 and the exercise of the day is weird. Because I just can't figure it out. Maybe everyone on the planet has a better idea of where the next 5 years of their life will be going. So here is what I'm supposed to try and do today: try to imagine what you would be like 5 years from now, and what that version of you would say to today's version of you. With the assumption that everything you ever wanted for the next 5 years came true. Do YOU know where you will be in 5 years?? I don't. I'm at a complete loss, and I've always been impressed with my imagination. I'm stumped.
So I started by looking back 5 years, to January 2012. Well, the woman I was then had no clue of where I would end up. I was working on year 6 at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, NV. I was in the accounts receivable department. My oldest son had already moved out. My daughter was going to be graduating from high school. There were 2 more sons living with us full time, as their Dad had gone back to the hospital (and this time he never came back out). If we had a cold Dr. Pepper and a night on the beach I could tell you all the other details. But that woman was stressed out. That woman didn't want to raise her kids in Las Vegas. She struggled to pay the bills.
How could I have known?? How could I have known that Ron and I would end up taking my 2 teenage boys to Apple Valley, CA that summer? That their Dad would be gone that fall? That in the high desert of southern California we would be close to some family there, get a puppy, a snake, 2 pygmy goats, and more. And leave after 1 year to live in Cedar City, UT for 3 years. I would finally have a year off in CA. I lost weight doing yard work, and chasing critters. Then my daughter would come to CA and go to UT with us. We moved in to this cool house built in 1929, I think. 3 stories, 2 kitchens, and in a quaint little town. How could I have known that I would end up getting a job that changed everything by challenging everything about me? Working with people with varying disabilities, including high anxiety and high aggression. People with behavior plans, and altered ways of thinking and reacting. It was an amazing job! I learned a lot. I ended up being a manager, and I was constantly training new people - there was a high turnover of employees. I would tell them - this job will be amazing if you let it. You are going to learn some things about yourself, and it's up to you how you feel about it. I had 2 very hard core clients living in the same house and I was the manager of their home/finances/medicines/staff. The job was amazing and very difficult. I didn't know how I would ever leave it though, because I was making a difference. And it was a good company that helped all these clients strive to be as functional as possible.
Then I moved to a job teaching a program to these clients and others. The local college had a program that taught people with disabilities (altered abilities, if you ask me) how to get and keep a job, and then tried to get them jobs after graduating the 3 month program. I thought I would be there for the rest of my life, it was a fantastic place to be, doing what I did. How could I have known that the last kid would turn 18 and I would end up going on vacation to visit my Mother in Costa Rica and not coming back?
So I am having trouble looking forward so that I can look back to today. But I know what I would tell Me from 2012. I would tell her to stop worrying. That worrying is a huge waste of time, and that life is much better when you have a little faith that things will work out. I would tell her that if you don't like something, then find a way to like it. If you want something that you can't have, then change what you want. So I can only guess that the future Me would tell me today to just enjoy it all, because it's all worth enjoying! All of it. It's all beautiful, no matter your location. No matter what problems the people around you have.
What will 2017 bring? Where will I be when it ends?? I have no idea. I have no idea how long we will be in Costa Rica. We have the ability to travel more, and we are making plans. Should I even post this one? I'm not sure. It tells a partial story of things, but leaves out so much. If you have better luck knowing how to talk to yourself now, as if you had time travelled from the future - let me know. I still feel no resolution with this exercise.
After looking for some pictures to go with my post, I think my future self might just say: Your life is amazing, you are amazing, act like you know that! Oh, and remember to be humble.
I also had a good friend who said that today she didn't always go to church, but today her goal was to just "sit quietly and listen to God". It made me think about how quiet and beautiful it is when I snorkel (mostly). It also made me think about all the times I told God all my problems, and asked Him "Why?!!" and then didn't listen for an answer. Or didn't like the answer I was getting. I have found that I less problems than ever these days. Not because they all magically disappeared here in lovely Costa Rica, but because I had time to see things so clearly. I had time to sit quietly and define what a "problem" was, and search for answers. Over the last few years I've had so much personal growth that I have to hide the hideous stretch marks. So to speak. I've learned that I am bigger than any problem, and that there is something to be gained from what I think I don't like. I've learned to accept everything, and find a way to benefit from anything. And that every single person I meet has something to teach me. And that God will make things right. Eventually. And it's easier if I don't get in the way of letting things become awesome, or letting things have a purpose.
What is my point? I'm not sure. I wanted to talk about this exercise in the program I'm trying out. And loving! The Love Your Life in 30 Days through tut.com and the guy who says: thoughts become things. It's free, and I love it so much, I'm doing it all over again starting February 1st. So today I'm still on day 29 and the exercise of the day is weird. Because I just can't figure it out. Maybe everyone on the planet has a better idea of where the next 5 years of their life will be going. So here is what I'm supposed to try and do today: try to imagine what you would be like 5 years from now, and what that version of you would say to today's version of you. With the assumption that everything you ever wanted for the next 5 years came true. Do YOU know where you will be in 5 years?? I don't. I'm at a complete loss, and I've always been impressed with my imagination. I'm stumped.
So I started by looking back 5 years, to January 2012. Well, the woman I was then had no clue of where I would end up. I was working on year 6 at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, NV. I was in the accounts receivable department. My oldest son had already moved out. My daughter was going to be graduating from high school. There were 2 more sons living with us full time, as their Dad had gone back to the hospital (and this time he never came back out). If we had a cold Dr. Pepper and a night on the beach I could tell you all the other details. But that woman was stressed out. That woman didn't want to raise her kids in Las Vegas. She struggled to pay the bills.
How could I have known?? How could I have known that Ron and I would end up taking my 2 teenage boys to Apple Valley, CA that summer? That their Dad would be gone that fall? That in the high desert of southern California we would be close to some family there, get a puppy, a snake, 2 pygmy goats, and more. And leave after 1 year to live in Cedar City, UT for 3 years. I would finally have a year off in CA. I lost weight doing yard work, and chasing critters. Then my daughter would come to CA and go to UT with us. We moved in to this cool house built in 1929, I think. 3 stories, 2 kitchens, and in a quaint little town. How could I have known that I would end up getting a job that changed everything by challenging everything about me? Working with people with varying disabilities, including high anxiety and high aggression. People with behavior plans, and altered ways of thinking and reacting. It was an amazing job! I learned a lot. I ended up being a manager, and I was constantly training new people - there was a high turnover of employees. I would tell them - this job will be amazing if you let it. You are going to learn some things about yourself, and it's up to you how you feel about it. I had 2 very hard core clients living in the same house and I was the manager of their home/finances/medicines/staff. The job was amazing and very difficult. I didn't know how I would ever leave it though, because I was making a difference. And it was a good company that helped all these clients strive to be as functional as possible.
Then I moved to a job teaching a program to these clients and others. The local college had a program that taught people with disabilities (altered abilities, if you ask me) how to get and keep a job, and then tried to get them jobs after graduating the 3 month program. I thought I would be there for the rest of my life, it was a fantastic place to be, doing what I did. How could I have known that the last kid would turn 18 and I would end up going on vacation to visit my Mother in Costa Rica and not coming back?
So I am having trouble looking forward so that I can look back to today. But I know what I would tell Me from 2012. I would tell her to stop worrying. That worrying is a huge waste of time, and that life is much better when you have a little faith that things will work out. I would tell her that if you don't like something, then find a way to like it. If you want something that you can't have, then change what you want. So I can only guess that the future Me would tell me today to just enjoy it all, because it's all worth enjoying! All of it. It's all beautiful, no matter your location. No matter what problems the people around you have.
What will 2017 bring? Where will I be when it ends?? I have no idea. I have no idea how long we will be in Costa Rica. We have the ability to travel more, and we are making plans. Should I even post this one? I'm not sure. It tells a partial story of things, but leaves out so much. If you have better luck knowing how to talk to yourself now, as if you had time travelled from the future - let me know. I still feel no resolution with this exercise.
After looking for some pictures to go with my post, I think my future self might just say: Your life is amazing, you are amazing, act like you know that! Oh, and remember to be humble.
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