Unexpected new skills
How to be ridiculously cheerful. That's a hobby of mine. Every time something bad happens, I call it a challenge, not a "problem". So I can say: I don't have any problems! If something unpleasant happens, I try to not react, and put on my poker face. Then I wait until I calm down, and figure out what skill set I can use to make it better. Or, what new skill set I must learn to cope with it.
2017 has already given me some experiences that came with a new skill set. The skill set is handling embarrassment. Which, can I tell you, I did NOT see that one coming. Embarrassment is on the top 4 list of words to describe 2017 so far. Which is weird. I'm not all that familiar with that feeling, because I'm fairly good at laughing at myself. I've raised 4 children, who gave me plenty of chances to be embarrassed. Like being in public and having to get after them for eating their boogers. You know what I mean? And I've worked with people with disabilities, where they are delighted at a shot to make you feel uncomfortable. Like locking staff out of the residence, or telling you loudly that your breath stinks. (which was sometimes a goal, because then they stopped being right in my face, I actually broke off in the middle of a conversation full of their anxiety and grabbed some raw garlic once.)
So I haven't really been embarrassed in a while. I've been beyond embarrassed twice already since the New Year's fireworks at 12am on Sunday. And merely slightly embarrassed a few times too. You know that feeling, when you blush, and feel "hot under the collar", and are trying to figure out where to look that doesn't involve looking anyone in the eye? Yeah. 2 episodes of that. Both in very public places. The second one, was right after I met a new friend, and I was thinking she was pretty awesome off the bat, so of course I'm hoping to play it cool. (I'm very enthused about new friends here, you know? Because here I have to call or type to my friends. I live with my 2 best friends, but it still narrowed things down when I moved to a new country full of people I can barely communicate with. Now I can better understand how crazy things must have been at the tower of Babel. Maybe I will go read that Old Testament story again, later today.) And the second thing happened within half an hour of sitting next to New Friend. Who was cool about it. But still. You know? Like, really? THIS is what the Universe is handing me? Well, ultimately, I have to own up that since I was there, I also had a part in handing it to me.
However. I'm ridiculously cheerful. So the first one, I shut up and listened. I tried to replace anger with confusion - like: what am I not getting about this? I'm not good at being angry, so I don't usually bother with it for long. It just has never served me well. I also have a different mind set now, after working with high anxiety and high aggression. Because after almost every shift I would have to write a report about what happened, and the reports were formatted. I had to answer: who was there? What happened before the incident? What happened during? How was it resolved? What kind of restraint did you use, and how did you actually perform it? Some staff felt like they constantly had to justify everything they said and did. Which was partially true. But mostly it was so the behavior analyst could look at it, and find a way to avoid future 'outbursts'. Except I remember vividly one of the associate directors telling us: "I've read hundreds of behavior reports and I can tell you that 90% of the time the behavior could have been avoided or de-escalated if the staff had done something differently." The clients had a behavior plan. Staff are supposed to know the plan. It opened my eyes to the idea that there is no situation that I can either make better, or make worse. In all of life. I was fortunate, in 2 years I only had to do a handful of restraints that were bigger than blocking someone from rushing at another person. So now I have a Life Behavior Plan. It has a few parts to it. One of them is all those affirmations that I wrote out a few days ago. I've learned that it really works to choose ahead of time - I will not get angry. I will stay calm. I will focus on the situation, and know that it doesn't have to be about ME. Because Me will get her feelings hurt, or get angry, or walk away. Now I just remember to wear my chaps, and I grab the bull by the horns. I also go back later and analyze if there truly was any other way I could have handled myself better, and vow to do better 'next time'.
The second 'find a hole to crawl into' episode fazed me. It was part of the whole: I went from being the teacher, to being in-teachable - because I don't speak enough Spanish. All I could possibly hope for was earning some sympathy from 60 people. But after 5 minutes my reactions was this: "Well, it's good to be humble again. I probably think too much of myself anyway!"And being humble means different things to different people. Everyone seems to have a different dictionary. I think humility is like a super power. I wish more people had it. It's about learning from every situation, and every person you meet. The clients I worked with at my last 2 jobs, they taught me a lot about how to respect others. I had to give pep talks to them when they felt embarrassed about things. So lately, I've been taking my own advice. I don't say it to most people like this, I have to find the nice/constructive way to say it: But to me, I simply say: get over yourself. Because I could obsess over those 2 events for at least a week, if I wanted to. But most things in life are as big as you make them out to be.
I choose to let being embarrassed inspire me to find something bigger and better to devote my attention to. To live so large, that those first 24 hours are diluted down to a funny story to tell someone later, about Over-Coming.
So I'm almost over it. I'm going to focus on how awesome the last day of 2016 was. Riding bikes to watch the sun set on the beach. Watching the last bull ride at the rodeo, where the guy was thrown off, and the bull just ran circles around the outside of the ring afterwards. Walking the beach for hours. Finding the biggest bonfire and throwing in some old journals. (Maybe 2017 is about Converting. Converting years of whining into ashes. And etc. That could be a good theme!). Sorry, I was interrupted by inspiration. Then we walked the beach to a friend's place who loves bonfires and fireworks. We walked with fireworks going off the entire way, before midnight. Some were right over our heads. The whole beach was flames and explosions, basically. A few people lit up flying paper bag lanterns. It was very meditative to watch them float off over the ocean. Is it to release wishes? That's why I would do it. Both beginning and ending the years with a kiss with my husband, the best that life has to offer.
And no, neither of the following epic awkwardness events could be blamed on alcohol. Nope, they were all just me and my mortification of unfabulous choices.
Happy New Years! May all of your troubles build you up in 2017. I wish for us all to become so mentally big, that our problems become small in comparison. Which can be done with a good support network. So be sure to take the time to connect. And if you are trying to get healthier like me, then remember: diet is not die with a 't' on the end. It is a way to start feeling more amazing than ever.
2017 has already given me some experiences that came with a new skill set. The skill set is handling embarrassment. Which, can I tell you, I did NOT see that one coming. Embarrassment is on the top 4 list of words to describe 2017 so far. Which is weird. I'm not all that familiar with that feeling, because I'm fairly good at laughing at myself. I've raised 4 children, who gave me plenty of chances to be embarrassed. Like being in public and having to get after them for eating their boogers. You know what I mean? And I've worked with people with disabilities, where they are delighted at a shot to make you feel uncomfortable. Like locking staff out of the residence, or telling you loudly that your breath stinks. (which was sometimes a goal, because then they stopped being right in my face, I actually broke off in the middle of a conversation full of their anxiety and grabbed some raw garlic once.)
So I haven't really been embarrassed in a while. I've been beyond embarrassed twice already since the New Year's fireworks at 12am on Sunday. And merely slightly embarrassed a few times too. You know that feeling, when you blush, and feel "hot under the collar", and are trying to figure out where to look that doesn't involve looking anyone in the eye? Yeah. 2 episodes of that. Both in very public places. The second one, was right after I met a new friend, and I was thinking she was pretty awesome off the bat, so of course I'm hoping to play it cool. (I'm very enthused about new friends here, you know? Because here I have to call or type to my friends. I live with my 2 best friends, but it still narrowed things down when I moved to a new country full of people I can barely communicate with. Now I can better understand how crazy things must have been at the tower of Babel. Maybe I will go read that Old Testament story again, later today.) And the second thing happened within half an hour of sitting next to New Friend. Who was cool about it. But still. You know? Like, really? THIS is what the Universe is handing me? Well, ultimately, I have to own up that since I was there, I also had a part in handing it to me.
However. I'm ridiculously cheerful. So the first one, I shut up and listened. I tried to replace anger with confusion - like: what am I not getting about this? I'm not good at being angry, so I don't usually bother with it for long. It just has never served me well. I also have a different mind set now, after working with high anxiety and high aggression. Because after almost every shift I would have to write a report about what happened, and the reports were formatted. I had to answer: who was there? What happened before the incident? What happened during? How was it resolved? What kind of restraint did you use, and how did you actually perform it? Some staff felt like they constantly had to justify everything they said and did. Which was partially true. But mostly it was so the behavior analyst could look at it, and find a way to avoid future 'outbursts'. Except I remember vividly one of the associate directors telling us: "I've read hundreds of behavior reports and I can tell you that 90% of the time the behavior could have been avoided or de-escalated if the staff had done something differently." The clients had a behavior plan. Staff are supposed to know the plan. It opened my eyes to the idea that there is no situation that I can either make better, or make worse. In all of life. I was fortunate, in 2 years I only had to do a handful of restraints that were bigger than blocking someone from rushing at another person. So now I have a Life Behavior Plan. It has a few parts to it. One of them is all those affirmations that I wrote out a few days ago. I've learned that it really works to choose ahead of time - I will not get angry. I will stay calm. I will focus on the situation, and know that it doesn't have to be about ME. Because Me will get her feelings hurt, or get angry, or walk away. Now I just remember to wear my chaps, and I grab the bull by the horns. I also go back later and analyze if there truly was any other way I could have handled myself better, and vow to do better 'next time'.
The second 'find a hole to crawl into' episode fazed me. It was part of the whole: I went from being the teacher, to being in-teachable - because I don't speak enough Spanish. All I could possibly hope for was earning some sympathy from 60 people. But after 5 minutes my reactions was this: "Well, it's good to be humble again. I probably think too much of myself anyway!"And being humble means different things to different people. Everyone seems to have a different dictionary. I think humility is like a super power. I wish more people had it. It's about learning from every situation, and every person you meet. The clients I worked with at my last 2 jobs, they taught me a lot about how to respect others. I had to give pep talks to them when they felt embarrassed about things. So lately, I've been taking my own advice. I don't say it to most people like this, I have to find the nice/constructive way to say it: But to me, I simply say: get over yourself. Because I could obsess over those 2 events for at least a week, if I wanted to. But most things in life are as big as you make them out to be.
I choose to let being embarrassed inspire me to find something bigger and better to devote my attention to. To live so large, that those first 24 hours are diluted down to a funny story to tell someone later, about Over-Coming.
So I'm almost over it. I'm going to focus on how awesome the last day of 2016 was. Riding bikes to watch the sun set on the beach. Watching the last bull ride at the rodeo, where the guy was thrown off, and the bull just ran circles around the outside of the ring afterwards. Walking the beach for hours. Finding the biggest bonfire and throwing in some old journals. (Maybe 2017 is about Converting. Converting years of whining into ashes. And etc. That could be a good theme!). Sorry, I was interrupted by inspiration. Then we walked the beach to a friend's place who loves bonfires and fireworks. We walked with fireworks going off the entire way, before midnight. Some were right over our heads. The whole beach was flames and explosions, basically. A few people lit up flying paper bag lanterns. It was very meditative to watch them float off over the ocean. Is it to release wishes? That's why I would do it. Both beginning and ending the years with a kiss with my husband, the best that life has to offer.
And no, neither of the following epic awkwardness events could be blamed on alcohol. Nope, they were all just me and my mortification of unfabulous choices.
Happy New Years! May all of your troubles build you up in 2017. I wish for us all to become so mentally big, that our problems become small in comparison. Which can be done with a good support network. So be sure to take the time to connect. And if you are trying to get healthier like me, then remember: diet is not die with a 't' on the end. It is a way to start feeling more amazing than ever.
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