Trying times
I have a confession to make. This isn't my first diet ever. I've been both successful and frustrated in my efforts. Like most people. Here is what I decided (including why I am going to burn all of my old journals): my past did not define me, it prepared me. Big difference.
My New Year's resolution is usually to resolve not to make any. Thereby starting the year with humor, and self defeat. This year I simply resolve to keep trying. Because when I set a weight loss goal, it can be daunting. I could go half a year, half a month, half a week, half a freaking day - and be ready to give up, feeling like it's too much. But if my resolve is simply to keep trying, then it takes the pressure off. This is my working theory.
I'm trying to cut out sugar, in a house full of sugar. It ain't going to be easy. I started 2 days ago. I'm not waiting until Sunday. I'm ready to be in shape. Pear is not an acceptable shape. I just need to remember what it feels like to be skinny! It feels good. When I was in California for a year I just finished 7 years working a desk job at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. I was a size 14. I wanted to just be a size 12. I dropped to a 10, headed to 8. In California I didn't have to work, for the first time in a very long time. We created a huge garden, and I did yard work. We lived on the edge of the desert. I weeded, watered, hoed, raked rocks, and chased our puppy and pygmy goats. It was awesome.
Now I can get in to a size 10, sometimes. But I feel big. I feel... flabby. Yuck. Who wants to be flabby in the jungle? This time last year I was a good 161 pounds. I was 183 pounds when I left Utah in September. I dropped 5 pounds during the first month, and was so happy. But 3 months later, I'm not at 175. Grrrr. Then I realized. Wanting to lose weight isn't enough motivation for me. I want to be Healthy. That magical, mythical place called Healthy. The money I save on ice cream, can go towards new shorts.
Let's just say that sometimes I like my shadow, and sometimes I don't. Does that make sense? Sometimes I feel like I'm doing alright, and sometimes I feel like one of those old classic paintings of chubby people. When I was a kid, I was so skinny people would ask me if I was anorexic, and I didn't even know what the word meant. I'm used to being skinnier. But all I want is some stamina. If I lose weight, then maybe the heat won't affect me as much. Right? I need endurance to walk the beach. I've failed at losing weight for 3 months, so it's a good thing I wasn't trying very hard. I definitely need better energy levels though!! I'm not going to get that by working out. I'm going to get that by making good decisions about what I eat.
It doesn't matter if I am skinny, if I don't eat right. I have to believe in the healthy me that is right around the corner. It doesn't matter if a persons want to lose 10 pounds, or have to drop 50 according to their doctor. The goal is to think healthy, eat healthy, and keep on keepin' on! That's what they say, right? It doesn't matter how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up. So 2017 will my year of Trying.
My New Year's resolution is usually to resolve not to make any. Thereby starting the year with humor, and self defeat. This year I simply resolve to keep trying. Because when I set a weight loss goal, it can be daunting. I could go half a year, half a month, half a week, half a freaking day - and be ready to give up, feeling like it's too much. But if my resolve is simply to keep trying, then it takes the pressure off. This is my working theory.
I'm trying to cut out sugar, in a house full of sugar. It ain't going to be easy. I started 2 days ago. I'm not waiting until Sunday. I'm ready to be in shape. Pear is not an acceptable shape. I just need to remember what it feels like to be skinny! It feels good. When I was in California for a year I just finished 7 years working a desk job at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. I was a size 14. I wanted to just be a size 12. I dropped to a 10, headed to 8. In California I didn't have to work, for the first time in a very long time. We created a huge garden, and I did yard work. We lived on the edge of the desert. I weeded, watered, hoed, raked rocks, and chased our puppy and pygmy goats. It was awesome.
Now I can get in to a size 10, sometimes. But I feel big. I feel... flabby. Yuck. Who wants to be flabby in the jungle? This time last year I was a good 161 pounds. I was 183 pounds when I left Utah in September. I dropped 5 pounds during the first month, and was so happy. But 3 months later, I'm not at 175. Grrrr. Then I realized. Wanting to lose weight isn't enough motivation for me. I want to be Healthy. That magical, mythical place called Healthy. The money I save on ice cream, can go towards new shorts.
Let's just say that sometimes I like my shadow, and sometimes I don't. Does that make sense? Sometimes I feel like I'm doing alright, and sometimes I feel like one of those old classic paintings of chubby people. When I was a kid, I was so skinny people would ask me if I was anorexic, and I didn't even know what the word meant. I'm used to being skinnier. But all I want is some stamina. If I lose weight, then maybe the heat won't affect me as much. Right? I need endurance to walk the beach. I've failed at losing weight for 3 months, so it's a good thing I wasn't trying very hard. I definitely need better energy levels though!! I'm not going to get that by working out. I'm going to get that by making good decisions about what I eat.
It doesn't matter if I am skinny, if I don't eat right. I have to believe in the healthy me that is right around the corner. It doesn't matter if a persons want to lose 10 pounds, or have to drop 50 according to their doctor. The goal is to think healthy, eat healthy, and keep on keepin' on! That's what they say, right? It doesn't matter how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up. So 2017 will my year of Trying.
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